As I look back on my fostering journey, I can remember the hopes and expectations that I once had. I was motivated to become a foster carer so that I could help a young person. I thought I could help make a child feel happy because of the home and opportunities that I could offer. In fact, I thought that a child would not only feel happy but would also be grateful, with holidays abroad and everything they want who would not be grateful?
As my fostering journey progressed, I remember times when I felt disheartened, I questioned whether I was good enough, I thought I was doing something wrong, and I felt frustrated because when children came to live with me my pre-conceived hopes and expectations were not being met.
I now look back and think how mistaken I was to have had such hopes and expectations. I’ve completed lots of training on my fostering journey, training about trauma, attachment, and therapeutic parenting and why on earth did I think fostering would or should be about me and my needs?
I have learnt the importance of patience and time, I have so much time to give, so now there is no rush, I focus on the child, offering acceptance, responding to their needs, and going at their pace.
When there are challenges, I focus on remaining ‘connected’ with the young person and helping them to realise that I’m there no matter what, this now is a reward to me.
Progress does not happen in an instant, progress too takes time and for me it’s about little steps with the reward being when these little steps are maintained.
I no longer expect the young person to be happy in my world, to be grateful for anything, I am always curious about what is happening for the child and when I am empathetic and really understand what the young person is going through and what they are trying to communicate then this is the ultimate reward for me.